


Sam's Patented Stress Relief Solution

by holdouttrout



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-15
Updated: 2010-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdouttrout/pseuds/holdouttrout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teal'c finds a very unhappy Sam and isn't anywhere near prepared for what she says is the matter. Set during Ripple Effect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sam's Patented Stress Relief Solution

**Author's Note:**

> First, you have to understand that [](http://annienau08.livejournal.com/profile)[**annienau08**](http://annienau08.livejournal.com/) and I are very silly, and, while in Vancouver, had a very silly conversation about Sam, the team, and orgies. This whole fic is her fault... unless it was mine. Actually, calling it a fic might be a little much. :-)

Teal'c was looking for Colonel Carter, and he knew exactly where she would be. The Carters were all in a room on Level 18, and he knew this universe's version would be with them. She was collaborating with them to figure out how they had gotten to this universe, of course, but even if she wasn't working, she would be there. Of all his teammates, she was the one most fascinated by the differences between the alternate versions of herself.

He rounded the corned and found Sam staring at a closed door, her mouth open. She looked oddly disheveled, her hair mussed and her clothes just slightly askew.

Concerned, Teal'c drew near. "Colonel Carter, are you all right?"

She started, as if she hadn't noticed him before. "Teal'c! I--" she finally looked away from the door, and blinked. "I--yeah. I'm okay."

There was a sudden thump against the door, and then what sounded like a giggle.

Sam flushed, and then she... pouted.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Are you certain everything is well?"

Another thump. Sam's pout became a frown. "I'm sure they're all just fine."

"Were you not assisting the others in finding a solution to their current predicament?"

"I _was_. We _were_." She sighed. "It's just... it was _my_ idea!"

Teal'c said, "I don't understand. Have you found a solution?"

Sam flushed, her eyes darting to the side. "Not exactly. We were... talking."

"I see," Teal'c said.

She opened her mouth, and then shut it. She gave Teal'c a look, then opened her mouth again, shutting it almost immediately.

"If you do not wish to tell me--"

"They kicked me out of my own orgy!" Sam blurted out.

There was a full thirty seconds of silence, during which time Sam gradually turned red.

Teal'c finally opened his mouth to say something--he wasn't sure what--but at that moment a nurse came around the corner. She gave them an odd look, and Teal'c shut his mouth, instead placing a hand on Sam's elbow and directing her away from the closed door.

He went to his room, partly because he couldn't think of anywhere else to go without leaving the base, and partly because it would be better if this conversation were not observed.

He closed the door firmly, and then turned to Sam, who had sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Explain."

Sam looked up, shamefaced. "Well, we weren't getting anywhere, and one of... me mentioned her method for... dealing with mental blocks."

Her cheeks were tinged with pink. "And then we started talking, and one of us mentioned that she'd been with women--which of course most of us couldn't have been--and then I made a joke about... well, it's not like it wouldn't be similar in a physics sense to masturbation, right?" She didn't wait for an answer, but said, "And then one of them pointed out that it wasn't like they could get in trouble for anything else, either, because they weren't in their own universe."

Sam sighed. "And then they kicked me out because it _is_ my universe."

She paused, and looked at Teal'c expectantly.

"I see," Teal'c said finally.

Sam frowned and crossed her arms across her chest. "It's not fair."

"Indeed not," Teal'c said. He paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. Sam was still frowning, and Teal'c thought of a few hundred things that might cheer her up, quickly rejecting them as likely ineffective or liable to get them into trouble.

Finally, he settled on, "Colonel Carter, I believe I am in need of ice cream."

Sam pouted a few more seconds, and then sighed. "Yeah," she said. "I guess that'll do."


End file.
